Part 5

Design and Influence Your Mindset

Feel Good for Real.

Approx. 10–12 minute read

So we know that we all have a Rational, Intellectual, Logical brain, a Special Ops brain, and a stress bucket. We know that the state of our stress bucket affects how we think and feel — and which part of our brain is more likely to take charge. So we know it’s important to keep our stress bucket at a manageable level — and that rest and relaxation are brilliant ways to support that.

Another brilliant way to manage our stress bucket is to make sure we have the right balance of natural chemicals in our body — our physiology. We know that when our Special Ops brain is too active, we’re likely to have too many stress hormones circulating in our system. But at the same time, we’re often producing too few of the natural feel-good neurotransmitters — like dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins (AKA DOSE for short).

And in more good news, we CAN boost the production of these feel-good neurotransmitters. Which is really helpful because when we have a regular DOSE of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins, we feel calmer, happier, and more confident that we can handle whatever life throws our way.

These natural chemicals send signals to our Special Ops brain that it doesn’t need to stay on high alert all the time. They strengthen our Rational, Intellectual, Logical brain, help regulate our nervous system, reduce stress hormones, and boost what we can think of as our battery of resilience. In short, they help us feel good for real.

And in even better news, getting a good dose of DOSE is actually quite simple — we just need to focus on what we can call the Three P’s: Positive Actions, Positive Interactions, and Positive Thoughts. The Three P’s have a huge impact on the production of those feel-good neurotransmitters. And the great thing is, these are all things that we can incorporate into our everyday life.

Positive Actions are anything that makes you feel good — things you enjoy doing for yourself. For some people, that might be a ten-mile run. For others, it might be a walk, doing a jigsaw puzzle, reading a book, or listening to music — it really is whatever feels right for you. Positive Actions might be things that give you a sense of purpose or a feeling of accomplishment. Positive Actions might also include putting a boundary in place, saying “no”, or finally getting that thing done that’s been loitering on your to-do list — and quietly taking up space in your stress bucket — for far too long. Positive Actions can be small and simple — no grand gestures needed. Sometimes the simplest things can make the biggest difference.

Positive Interactions are about spending time with — or connecting with — people we care about and enjoy being with. Now, it’s probably fair to admit that the people we care about aren’t always the ones we most enjoy spending time with. Some of them can occasionally feel a bit... polar bear-ish. Which may not be conducive to what we’d classify as a positive interaction. And of course, we still see them — they’re part of our lives. But when it comes to boosting those feel-good neurotransmitters, it really helps to spend time with people who make us feel relaxed, supported, appreciated, or simply good to be around. And those positive interactions can happen in all sorts of ways. We might meet in person, have a chat on the phone, send a message, or even just share a quick exchange online. And sometimes it’s the smaller interactions that matter too. Making the effort to smile at someone you come across during your day, exchanging a few friendly words, or simply acknowledging someone can make a surprising difference — to them as well as to you.

These things may seem simple, but we shouldn’t underestimate the benefits they bring us. Unfortunately, they’re often the first things to go when we’re not feeling great — and they’re also the things we might feel guilty about doing when we’re busy rushing around or prioritising everyone else’s needs. But actually, they’re incredibly powerful and important for us, because they have such a strong influence on the production of DOSE — the natural feel-good neurotransmitters. And if we think about it (logically and rationally, of course), we know that when we feel good, other people in our lives are likely to benefit too. Reminding ourselves of this can give us the incentive to prioritise the Positive Actions and Positive Interactions in our lives.

But Positive Actions and Positive Interactions only account for two of the Three P’s. The third P is Positive Thoughts. Now, we all know that thinking positively can sometimes be easier said than done — and if I were to say, “Just go away and think positively,” you’d probably mutter something not-so-positive under your breath. But it’s really not about pretending everything is rosy all the time. It’s not about forcing positivity or ignoring our feelings. However, it is about making the effort to bring our attention to the positives in our lives, no matter how small, seemingly insignificant, or hard to find they may be.

Noticing and focusing on the good stuff can have a powerful impact on our thought patterns and influence our mindset. And of course, we know that our mindset has a huge impact on our experience of life. Despite the name, our mindsets aren’t actually set — and our minds aren’t fixed. We really can design and influence our mindset for our own benefit, when we choose to. An old dog really can learn new tricks... provided it really wants to. And that’s all thanks to neuroplasticity — the brain’s incredible ability to update and overwrite our subconscious files, rewire itself, and form new, lasting connections and patterns over time.

We know that every time we think, feel, or do something repeatedly, our brain strengthens the neural pathways associated with it — making that pattern more likely to happen again. It’s worth noting here that neuroplasticity can work either in favour of a calm, happy, confident mind — or against it. We’ve already seen that it’s capable of reinforcing less helpful patterns too... especially if our Special Ops brain is in charge. But when our Rational, Intellectual, Logical brain is running the show, we can create the right conditions for harnessing the brain’s neuroplastic potential and making positive, lasting changes. And yes — you’ve guessed it — the best conditions for this involve a calm Special Ops brain, capacity in your stress bucket, and plenty of those natural feel-good neurotransmitters. That’s why making sure you’re getting enough of the Three P’s, and listening to a Mindset Style audio on a regular basis, can be so powerful — even if it seems ridiculously simple. You’ll be priming your subconscious mind to create the beneficial changes you want.

Now, we’ve established that thinking positively can feel like hard work — maybe even impossible at times. But since it makes up a whole third of the Three P’s, it might be worth giving our positive-thinking muscles a gentle workout. We can get our conscious mind in on the act too — helping us guide, shape, and steer our subconscious mind towards the shifts we want to make, by looking out for positive things that we can think about.

When we make even just a little effort to notice and focus on the good stuff, we can train our brain to think in ways that will really benefit us, encouraging it to generate more positive thoughts, safeguarding the capacity in our stress bucket, and enhancing our overall experience of life.

Asking ourselves three simple questions on a regular basis — and taking just a few moments to answer them — really can have a positive impact on our thoughts and a powerful influence on our mindset.

Question One: What's Been Good?

This question gently nudges our attention towards the good stuff — the things we did, got done, or simply enjoyed. They can be as small and simple as you like. A nice cuppa. A job ticked off the to-do list. A friendly chat, or something that made you smile. They all count. Tuning our attention into these things positively influences our mindset. And the more we do it, the more we strengthen those positive neural pathways and patterns of thought.

It’s not about completely ignoring the negatives in life — it’s about training our brain to spend a little less time focused on the things that frustrate, irritate, or worry us, and more time noticing what is good and what is going well. It sends our Special Ops brain a reassuring “nothing to see here” message. Which puts us in a far better position to deal with anything that isn’t so good and allows us to find more joy in our daily lives. And who couldn’t do with a bit more of that? Like many things in life, it might feel a little awkward or unnatural at first. But a bit like learning to ride a bike, with a little practice it quickly becomes second nature and helps you enjoy more of what makes life feel good.

Question Two: What Have You Been Pleased to Notice About Yourself?

This second question can also feel a little unnatural to answer at first — because many of us simply aren’t used to thinking this way. But the benefits of asking yourself this question regularly are enormous. This question encourages you to look out for things you appreciate about yourself. It might be a positive shift in how you’ve been feeling. Perhaps you were pleased with the way you handled something. Maybe you noticed that you were a little kinder to yourself than usual, or that you managed to think about something in a slightly more helpful way. Or perhaps you recognised a quality in yourself — something you don’t always stop to appreciate. We’re often very good at spotting our perceived faults and flaws — but not nearly so good at noticing the things we’re doing well. We don’t always notice these things in the moment. But actually taking a minute to pause and look back over your day — or even your week — can help you recognise and reinforce them. I like to call this looking out for gleams.

A gleam is simply something about yourself worth noticing — a bit like when light catches something and suddenly it shines and draws your attention. And we can draw our attention to these things that we are pleased to notice, but we do need to look out for them. They can be small, simple, and maybe even feel insignificant. But they’re not.

When we start noticing and focusing our attention on these gleams — the things we appreciate about ourselves, the progress we are making, and the positive shifts that are happening — something really powerful happens. We make use of our brain’s neuroplastic potential again, helping to strengthen those positive patterns and connections — those beneficial neural pathways. And the more we notice those qualities, our strengths, and any shifts or signs of progress — and give ourselves that simple recognition — the more likely our brain is to create and reinforce more of the same. Even noticing the tiniest tweaks and changes in the way we’re thinking, feeling, or what we’re doing will encourage and motivate our brain to strengthen those new patterns.

Question Three: What Would You Like to Feel More of Tomorrow?

Our subconscious mind responds far better to clarity and direction than to criticism or pressure. When we focus on what we don’t want — like stress, anxiety, or the urge to eat the whole packet of biscuits — we often keep our attention on the very thing we’re trying to avoid, which can unintentionally reinforce those patterns in the brain and keep us feeling stuck. But when we focus on what we do want — how we’d like to feel and what we’d like to experience — we give our brain a clear direction to move towards.

So if you were feeling calmer, happier, or more confident, what would that actually look like? How would you be able to think about things? What might you notice yourself doing if you were feeling that way? Just imagine how good that would feel — and the benefits it could bring.

When we imagine things going well, we give ourselves a DOSE of DOSE — those natural feel-good neurotransmitters — and we begin to prime our minds to move in that direction. Because we know that our minds learn through experience. And we also know that our subconscious mind can’t really tell the difference between imagination and reality. So we can use that to our advantage. By allowing ourselves to imagine what we would like to be thinking, feeling, and doing, we give our brain a chance to rehearse it — helping update our brain’s prediction machine, creating new subconscious files, updating and overwriting old ones, and sending our subconscious a clear message that these things are desirable, beneficial, and possible. And in doing so, we give our subconscious the encouragement and motivation it needs to begin moving forward towards them.

So those three simple — yet powerful — questions help you generate and benefit from positive thoughts. And when you combine those positive thoughts with positive interactions and positive actions — including, of course, relaxing and listening to a Mindset Style audio on a regular basis — you’ll find yourself in the wonderful position of having a well-supported nervous system, an abundance of natural feel-good neurotransmitters, and a Rational, Intellectual, Logical brain with the ability to override any unwanted “help” from your Special Ops brain. You’ll feel far more in control of your mind — and your life. And what becomes possible for you really can go as far as you allow yourself to imagine. Literally.

Understanding what’s going on in our minds really can change everything.

And I hope this series has given you some insight into the interplay between our thoughts, our feelings, our actions, our emotions, our physiology, and our nervous system. And how the cycles that can sometimes keep us feeling stuck can actually be interrupted and adjusted at any point — allowing us to turn them in a new, more positive direction.

Because when we change the way we think and feel about the way we think and feel, we can actually begin to change the way we think and feel.

You can’t control every thought that pops into your head — but you can choose how you respond to those thoughts. And you can’t always control how you feel — but you can choose the way you think about those feelings. Which means we actually have far more influence and agency than we may have realised.

We can take actions that support our nervous system. We can take actions that influence our physiology. And we can take actions that influence our mindset.

And when we make changes — even small ones — in any of those areas, we often start to see positive differences in all of them. It’s a bit like an incredible ripple effect. And you can start creating those ripples right now. By using your imagination to focus on what you do want. By looking out for what is good. By encouraging yourself to make time for the Three P’s. And, of course, by listening to a relaxation audio — like the Mindset Style ones — on a regular basis.

Every time you do, you are making a conscious choice to design and influence your mindset, priming your mind to feel good for real — calm, happy, and confident in everyday life.