Part 3

Understand Your Subconscious

The strategies it uses to keep us safe, and how they shape the way we experience life.

Approx. 9–11 minute read

So we know we’ve all got a Rational, Intellectual, Logical brain. And we are all now comfortably (or perhaps uncomfortably) acquainted with our Original, Protective, Subconscious brain — our Special Ops brain. We know that our Special Ops brain reacts quickly. We know it can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality. And we know it’s definitely not logical or rational.

We know it’s got a close relationship with our nervous system — and when our nervous system isn’t well regulated, our Special Ops brain is far more likely to be putting its oar in, in places where it’s not really needed, wanted, or appreciated. We also know, though, that it’s really just there to protect us and keep us alive in the face of life-and-death threats like real polar bears. Even though, unfortunately, it can be prone to getting the wrong end of the stick and confusing things in our everyday lives with polar bears. Just as these polar bears — the stressors — will be different for each of us, our stress responses and coping strategies will be different too.

Let’s have a look at some of the strategies our Special Ops brain employs to keep us safe. Your Special Ops brain is the part of your mind responsible for so many of our less desirable tendencies. Overthinking, self-doubt, negative self-talk, limiting beliefs, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, people-pleasing, fear, avoidance, catastrophising... the list goes on. And that’s because all of these patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving are simply the strategies our Special Ops brain uses to try to keep us safe and alive.

When our Special Ops brain detects any kind of danger, emergency, or crisis — and we know that could mean situations that are emotionally challenging, stressful, or uncomfortable, as well as imagined worst-case scenarios — it employs the original subconscious protective responses of anxiety, low mood, and anger, or any combination thereof. And if you’re thinking, “Not me! I don’t experience any of those things!”, then I’m very pleased for you. But let’s just be clear here: anxiety, low mood, and anger are natural human responses, experienced by all of us to a greater or lesser degree at some point during our lives — because, as humans, we’re designed to. We are hardwired for safety and survival. And looking back at the lives of our ancient ancestors helps us make sense of it all a little more.

Let’s take anxiety: one of the strategies our Special Ops brain might employ to protect us and keep us alive. If we think back to our ancient ancestors, the ones who were vigilant when they went out to hunt and gather were the ones who stayed alive. They’d be on high alert — fight, flight, or freeze ready, never far from an internal “in case of emergency” panic button.

If there was a rustle in the bushes, they’d be off like a shot. They’d have felt their hearts beat fast, their body temperature rise, and maybe felt a little shaky too. They may have even felt like they needed the loo!

We might recognise responses like overthinking and “what if-ing”, feeling on edge, and finding it difficult to focus or relax. We might also notice changes to our body temperature, our digestion, our heart rate and breathing — even our sleep — all of which are often driven by an excess of stress hormones. And are just our brain trying to keep us safe.

We can also recognise that experiencing elements of low mood and depression is a part of our brain’s protective strategy too. If it was too dangerous for our ancestors to leave their caves, they would instead stay inside and go into a kind of hibernation mode. They’d snuggle down, probably under a bearskin, conserving energy and waiting until the danger had passed or the situation had improved. And that’s what can happen for us modern-day humans too. When our Special Ops brain detects situations in life that feel overwhelming, unsafe, or difficult to deal with — whether that’s something really obvious going on in our lives, or simply the culmination of lots of smaller, less obvious things — it may encourage us to slow down and withdraw, conserving energy until the situation has changed or the perceived threat has passed.

We might notice our thoughts becoming more negative, more doubtful, or more self-critical. We might experience a lack of motivation, be exhausted, feel like doing less, or find ourselves avoiding certain things. It’s just our brain trying to keep us safe.

Anger, too, is our Special Ops brain trying to protect us. Think about our ancestors again — if they were out hunting and gathering and were attacked or felt threatened, and running away or hiding wasn’t an option, they’d need to make themselves appear as big, strong, and loud as possible to scare off or fight any threat. And that’s exactly what happens for us today when anger takes over. Sometimes that anger gets expressed outwardly — but sometimes it stays inside, and we simmer quietly. It’s our brain stepping in to defend us, and it can happen even when the threat isn’t physical. Either way, it’s just our brain trying to protect us.

We can see that these protective subconscious responses made perfect sense for our ancient ancestors, and would be really useful for us too... if there were actual polar bears roaming the streets. They’d prove invaluable if we ever found ourselves in a life-and-death situation. However, contrary to what our Special Ops brain may sometimes tell us, those kinds of situations really are very rare.

But we can sleep well at night — and don’t worry, if you don’t sleep well at night, we’ll be coming to that shortly! — reassured in the knowledge that if a life-and-death situation ever did occur, our Special Ops brain would be ready, willing, and able to help out. But when it comes to managing our everyday lives, our Special Ops brain isn’t always very helpful. In fact, for most of our everyday lives it can really afford to stand down, chill a bit, and stop trying to run the show. Because experiencing anxiety, low mood, and anger can be really frustrating when all we want to do is get on with life and enjoy it as much as possible — we only get one, after all.

But let’s just be clear here: anxiety, low mood, and anger are natural human responses. We aren’t robots. We are supposed to experience these things. And it’s perfectly normal to feel angry about some of the things going on in the world. It’s completely natural to feel a bit low when it’s rained for the 98th consecutive day in January. And feeling anxious before a job interview or going on a date means nothing more significant than confirmation that you’re human. And actually, elements of anxiety, anger, and low mood can even be useful — we’d all get run over every time we crossed the road without a bit of anxiety.

Anxiety is, after all, designed to help us — to keep us alert and switched on. So if it nudges us to prepare, double-check things, and think ahead — especially when something matters to us — it can be a really useful thing. Low mood can also have a little silver lining. Sometimes it’s the mind’s way of saying, “Pause. Something needs care.” It might encourage us to slow down, draw the curtains a little earlier, rest, reflect, and recharge, rather than constantly pushing on. And when the weather is bleak and grey outside, we can be persuaded to change our plans and happily curl up at home with a blanket and a cup of tea instead of heading out into the cold.

Anger, too, can be useful when it motivates us to speak up or take action. It can give us the energy to address what feels wrong or unfair and to make changes. So when we experience anger, anxiety, or low mood, it helps to remind ourselves that this is simply our Special Ops brain trying to look out for us — even though it can sometimes feel like (and indeed be) more of a hindrance than a help.

Now, although we’ve established that these things are normal and natural, it’s really important to know that when they start to impact the quality of our lives, we don’t have to just put up with them. We can make changes — and we can feel better for real: calmer, happier, and more confident.

OK, so you decide that you want to make some changes — to how you’re feeling, the way you’re thinking, or what you’re doing. You want to feel calmer. Or you want to feel happier. Or maybe you want to feel more confident — so you can really enjoy your life in the way that matters most to you.

But it doesn’t always seem to work that way. And just because you’d like things to change doesn’t mean they do. In fact, you might just get better at noticing all the things about yourself that you are disappointed by or dissatisfied with.

Change can feel hard. Sometimes it can even feel impossible. (Spoiler alert — it isn’t.)

It probably won’t surprise you to hear that the Special Ops brain does not much care for change. It often resists change because it sees it as risky and treats it as a potential threat. Fear of the unknown. Even if the unknown might actually be much better than the current reality.

So another one of its often unhelpful strategies is that it prefers to play it safe and stick with what it knows — repeating familiar patterns of thought, feeling, and behaviour, even when we consciously know they aren’t helpful and we’d much prefer to be thinking, feeling, or doing something different. But of course we know that our Special Ops brain isn’t logical or rational. And so its only real success criterion is that we are alive and taking breath. This unfortunately means it doesn’t care very much about the quality of our life — just the quantity. That we simply are alive.

Our Special Ops brain always refers back to previous patterns — how we’ve responded mentally, physically, and emotionally in the past. Our hippocampus checks back in the filing cabinet to determine which thoughts, feelings, and behaviours have been effective before. And by “effective”, we really just mean that you survived. Whatever it was that got you through yesterday will be considered a winning formula by your Special Ops brain. So if snapping, procrastinating, or avoiding something seemed to work yesterday — you guessed it — your Special Ops brain will encourage more of the same today. And so if self-doubt, overthinking, or mindless scrolling have worked in the past — and they must have, because you’re still alive today — you’ll likely be encouraged to do exactly the same again today and tomorrow.

Sometimes we have an unpleasant or difficult experience, and the security guard — the amygdala — puts a negative stamp on it to help us avoid it in the future. But sometimes, especially if we are already feeling stressed, low, anxious, or angry, it can put an excessively big negative stamp on it. The filing assistant — the hippocampus — then files it in a high-priority, easy-reach place in our subconscious filing cabinet. But then the Special Ops brain starts spotting similarities between that file and all sorts of other things in life that may only really have the most tenuous links. Our Special Ops brain doesn’t care if it overgeneralises — because its motto is “better safe than sorry”. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always realise that trying too hard to keep you safe can end up leaving you feeling rather sorry — because all sorts of things begin to cause you problems that never used to.

So our Special Ops brain isn’t just involved in creating the thought patterns, feelings, and behaviours we’d prefer to do without — it’s also responsible for reinforcing and maintaining them. And what might have started as short-lived thoughts or temporary feelings can, over time, become familiar patterns the mind learns and repeats. This happens because our brain creates what are known as neural pathways — connections between brain cells that form when we repeatedly think, feel, or do something. The more often a pathway is used, the stronger it becomes — a bit like a path across a field.

The first time you walk across the grass there’s barely a mark. But if you walk the same route again and again, a clear, well-trodden path appears. And once that path is there, it becomes the easiest route to follow. And that can include physical responses too — things like a headache, an upset stomach, a tight chest, or excess sweating, all just running on autopilot.

These responses can become automatic patterns that get put on repeat. This means that even when we consciously want to change — to feel calmer, more confident, more positive, or more at ease — we can still find ourselves slipping into the same old unhelpful responses: self-doubt, low mood, anxiety... and now frustration at our seeming inability to change.

The good news is that our minds can learn new patterns. In just the same way that it’s possible to develop unhelpful patterns of thinking and feeling, we can also develop far more desirable and beneficial ones. We can work with our brain to create the changes we’d like. And when we understand how it all works, it becomes a lot easier. And even though recognising that we want to make changes — and deciding that we want to think differently, feel differently, or do things differently — may not be a magic switch that makes those changes happen just like that... It IS the first step towards achieving them — and in the rest of this series we’re going to explore the next steps too.

You might even be surprised by how simple — and perhaps even enjoyable — these next steps actually are.

Because understanding what’s going on in your mind really can change everything.